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You Love Them. But Can You Live With Them?

Love and relationships are not the same.

You can love someone but not be meant to be with them. Or you can have a great relationship but not love one another. But if you could learn how to create both love and a relationship then you could learn how to be together and to create what it is you want to create.

How do you incorporate someone in your life? What is the purpose of your relationship? These are the sort of questions we help you work through as couple. We help you find peace after the drama and confusion in the relationship, and find a better way to create something really fantastic with
your partner.

Let us consider the first aspect of a relationship as “coordination”. This is the day-to-day aspect of sharing a house together. There are rules, which need to be agreed upon in order to achieve this. These rules normally cover such things as money, chores and sex. The second and more important aspect of a relationship is “connection”. This is the depth of love and heart we all seek to experience.

When determining the rules for your new relationship, it is important to determine the merit of a new rule based on whether it will help one of you (or ideally both of you) to be able to develop a deeper connection with each other. So for example, by agreeing upon a fair division of household chores, will this help you to feel closer to one another?

Often it can help to discuss why one partner doesn’t like a particular chore. Maybe you can find a chore that you can swap so that they don’t have to do that chore. For example, in our case Stephanie prefers not to wash pots because the chemicals cause her to suffer from dermatitis and she has been told by skin specialists to avoid soap wherever possible. But Scott isn’t very good at thinking ahead in terms of preparing meals. He just turns up hungry and wants food immediately. So we have agreed that Stephanie will do more cooking and Scott will do the washing up. So what are the ground rules you are going to agree upon for your new relationship?