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What Did They Really Say? Did You Really Listen?

​Couple Communication

Communication is one of the most important skills to learn in any relationship. In relationships, a lot of the problems occur because we don’t fully listen to our partner.

Try to slow the conversation down. It teaches us to give pauses in the conversation. It shows us how to allow each person to be heard completely, even to the point that someone else can think on their wavelength. It gives each person the opportunity to hear what they sound like and what they are saying, and to see how they are being heard. It trains us to compete one thought at a time without mixing it up with so many other thoughts in our head, and to stick to one topic at a time.

Listening exercise

Listen fully to your partner’s issue. Decide that one of you is to be Partner A and the other Partner B.

Partner A begins by briefly describing an issue, concern, or issue they may have or something important they want their partner to know. After Partner A has finished saying what they need to be fully heard, but in a concise manner, Partner B should ask, “Are you done or compete?” If Partner A says they aren’t, Partner B should let them finish adding in what they need to say so they are complete with their thoughts (but again try to be brief with each other).

Partner B should then repeat back a synopses or nutshell of what Partner A had said. Partner B should then ask, “Did I get it?”. If Partner A says, “No”, Partner B should ask, “What did I miss?” Partner A should then elaborate on what Partner B didn’t include or said incorrectly. Then Partner B should ask, “Are you done?’” Partner B should then repeat back the synopses or the nutshell of what they missed. And then they should ask again, “Did I get it?” If not repeat the process, until complete.